THINGS I WOULD MAKE PUBLIC IF I WAS A CENTERFOLD

Height: 5' 11'

Weight: 158

Waist: 32

Education: University of Georgia

Hometown: Atlanta, GA, but I was born in Bermuda.

What I'm grateful for: Having an incredible family, great friends, good health, and my Sealy Posturepedic Mattress (still no duvet cover).

Turn ons: Stand Up Comedy. It's always amazed me that the sickest person in the room is the one holding the microphone (certain parts of Kentucky excluded).

Turn offs: The Bowl Alliance. For me it's like five months of foreplay with a disappointing ending, except there is a football involved. (Ladies you might need a guy to explain that one to you.)

Earliest memory: I was three years old. I remember my older brother Julian (7 years at the time), David Woo (still best friend, and 5 years at the time) jumping off a twelve foot slide because they both thought they were the BIONIC MAN. They are still alive, but the series is very much dead.

Biggest fears:

*Who saw Armageddon? Enough said.

*Not following a dream.

*Following a dream.

Favorite TV: Right now I get caught up watching CNN Headline News with anchorwoman Rudi Bakhtiar. I've never seen anybody with such a "simpatico" news delivery. If Rudi isn't on, then I don't watch!

Who has it all figured out?

*The Dalai Lama

*People that shake my hand after a show.

*Anybody that says "Hello!" first, and doesn't ask you for change.

Who doesn't have it all figured out?

*People that haven't discovered that happiness comes from within (it's cliché for a reason folks).

*Cocktail waitresses at a strip club. Just get on the pole and start making the real money.

*The Middle East

MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

How long have you been doing this?
I've been making people laugh since the early days of Kindergarten. Comedy chose me, and I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Do you get laid a lot on the road?
I'd rather entertain the public via comedy. It's nice to meet people that appreciate the art.

So, What else do you do?
I send text messages to family & friends from airport waiting rooms.

What is your ultimate goal?
I really wanted to be an extra in Shrek 2 so that I could sit around and tell people that he isn't that green in real life.

How do you mentally prepare yourself for the life of a Stand Up Comedian?
It's very easy! Get a day job, and when your boss hands you a paycheck on Friday. Give it back to him! Then let complete strangers drink heavily and judge you during Happy Hour. It's very humbling.

Do you have a girlfriend?
Nope. One time I met the perfect girl, but I think she was looking for the perfect man.

What does it feel like to be a professional comedian?
I can't speak for everyone, but I think it's great! You always get a chance to prove yourself. Making people laugh is a great gift.

You are very funny!
Thanks! But this section is for the "MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS" and that is a statement.

SOME COMICS I'VE WORKED WITH *(partial list)

Alonzo BoddenBrett Butler Bob Zany Bobcat Goldthwait Bobby Slayton Chris Tucker Chrissy Burns Chistopher Cannon Costaki Economopolous Danny Bevins Dave Attell Dennis Regan Dicky Palmer Eric Hunter George Cantor Greg Laush Henry Welch Isaac Witty James Stephens III Jim David Jim Brick Jerry Farber Joe Morrison John Wesley Austin Johnny Kavanaugh Judy Tenuta Kenny Smith Kevin Bozeman Kevin Burke Kid Dave Miller Lewis Black Louis Johnson Maryellen Hooper Marc Rubben Mark Curry Mark Matusof Marc Ryan Michael Reed Michael Mack Mitch Hedburg Pat Dixon Randy Matson Rick Gutierrez Ricky Smiley Rocky Laporte Rudy Rush Scott Angrave Scotty K Shaun Jones Sherman Golden Stacy Hall Steve Marmel Tony Tone Tommy JamesTodd GlassThe Amazing Johnathan Tim Wilson Vic Henly Vinny FavoritoWendy Liebman...